Monogamy is Dead

I don’t believe in monogamy. It doesn’t come from a bitter place, it comes from experience and observing relationships around me. I haven’t believed in it for a while now. The hurt a person feels after their partner is unfaithful can be avoided. We create these walls around relationships and when something goes wrong, our world collapses.

With that being said, I have been in a monogamous relationship for almost 2 years. I was honest from day 1. I see myself in an open relationship in the future possibly being with other men or women. Ever since taking multiple sexuality classes in college, I realized it’s okay not to define your sexuality. You don’t have to be straight or gay. Or married or open. Or focus on gender. You can define your own sexuality and relationship. My partner and I decided to remain monogamous for now, build trust and our bond before branching out.

Monogamy was socially constructed at one point in time and humans have been struggling ever since to be faithful to their partners or hide their honest desires.

I dated a guy in college and found out he was going behind my back and cheating on me almost our entire relationship. I’m extremely grateful for that experience. It was eye-opening. I could see his full love for me and yet he wandered off to have experiences with others. I don’t question his love til this day. I saw his kindness and pure heart. His actions were never malicious or of ill intent. He’s not trash or less of a man. I tell him to this day he should explore polyamory. He doesn’t have to hide his need for multiple partners or his sexual desires. It’s okay.

I think men and women agree to monogamy because they think there is no other choice.  That fidelity equals love. Then situations like Khloe and Tristan happen. Tristan is demonized, hated. When it doesn’t seem like Tristan has ever been faithful in relationships. I think for anyone who is away from their partner for an extended period of time like professional athletes, monogamy is damn near impossible. Yes, Tristan’s infidelity was wrong, he should have communicated his desires before hurting his partner. But I also can understand and sympathize with the pressures he might have felt.

I think open communication is key. What if you were honest and told your partner you have urges to be with another person? What if your partner being able to be with another person could enhance your relationship? Or make your partner happier? When both partners are 100% their authentic happy self is when relationships are able to thrive.

While traveling in Mexico, I met a French woman who was in an open relationship. Her partner was in the states, they talked frequently. They were madly in love and completely open about their other lovers. She was solo traveling, enjoying her freedom, but still honored her primary partner. She was genuinely happy. I’m not saying their relationship was perfect, she confided in me that she was jealous at times. Overall, it was beautiful to witness.

I used to believe in soul mates; I was going to meet one person who I would spend the rest of my life with. I met someone in Guatemala who I felt like I had met in a past life. There was an immediate connection, a soul connection that I can’t entirely describe. I knew he was a soul mate. I also knew he was not a soulmate whom I would spend the rest of my life with. In my heart I knew I needed to keep moving and cherish the time I had spent with him. I think we meet multiple soulmates in our lifetime.

For me, I don’t think one person can fulfill everything. That is a lot of pressure to put on one person. I often times go to best friends for emotional support. Sometimes it feels like my best friend is my partner, without the sex. I’d rather have certain experiences with her. For example, we go on dates when I’m home, go out to dinner, go to festivals. We joke that we are dating. This relationship makes me open to exploring relationships with others. I see how fulfilled another human can make me, someone who is not my partner. What if there were no restrictions and you could make beautiful connections with others? Would you take that opportunity of potential growth?

I know some of you (maybe most of you) might think I’m crazy. My own best friend does. She is in a committed relationship and could not fathom her partner being with someone else. She says it makes her sick to her stomach just thinking about it. I 100% support her relationship. Do whatever feels right for you and your partner. Maybe you choose to live your life single. Maybe you decide to be monogamous or polyamorous, or you create something different that speaks more to you.

Like I said a million times, communication is everything. Make sure you are openly communicating your wants and needs to your partner from the start.

If you are at all curious about open relationships, there is a lot of information on YouTube. For example, Shan BOODY is someone I admire. She is a sex educator and YouTuber who talks openly about her open relationship. Or you could reach out to me, ask me more about my current relationship or about anything related (or unrelated) to this post. ❤

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